1. |
swell
01:13
|
|||
2. |
LAMENT
04:50
|
|||
|
in the empty pit of my irate stomach,
i breed myself, yeah.
this spinning brainstem, this clay head,
this tongue of nothing, it’s all imperfect—
but i wanna know i’m good
that i can be enough (for you)
|
||||
3. |
PORTAL
02:40
|
|||
|
elsewhere my smut-corpse is incongruously
shaped—i fit in. i have trouble eating,
trouble sleeping, keep it secret.
this mask fits snug as skin, no one can tell
the difference. i have trouble breathing,
trouble speaking, keep it secret.
in the portal i have no name
in the portal i have no face
|
||||
4. |
DECORATE
01:55
|
|||
|
didn’t know my name, didn’t know my place
i could take you there. melted away ice in my brain
i could take you there. got an empty space come decorate
i could take you there. didnt know my name
didn’k know my place, i could take you there.
|
||||
5. |
guitar music
00:36
|
|||
6. |
FEEL GOOD
04:47
|
|||
|
can you name the things that have been haunting you?
can you place the pain inside your body?
can you name the reasons you are running from me?
can you stay? can it weigh on you?
when i said, “i wanna be you”, what i meant is,
i wanna feel you inside of me.
i keep my spaces clean. you know what i mean
(keep my spaces clean)
when i said, “i wanna see you”, what i meant is,
i wanna feel good. do you wanna feel good too?
feel good when i’m with you.
do you wanna feel good?
|
||||
7. |
SHAME
01:02
|
|||
|
in the shadows of the space where i crawl home to
i was alone, i closed myself off
i feel nothing—no one knows me at all
yeah this is the shame that i hold down
|
||||
8. |
NORMAL
04:25
|
|||
|
had to reschedule—the neighbors blocked my car.
i walked up to their door—i knocked but not too hard.
while i was at my job, i swear i heard them talk—
they think that i don’t know they laugh when i don’t look.
((pushed it inside myself))
((ocean inside my cells))
((voices inside my skull))
((pushed it inside myself))
((normal)) ((normal))
on the couch asking, “am i normal?”
((normal)) ((normal))
i repeated the word in my head
|
||||
9. |
CAVE
06:41
|
|||
|
i will not challenge myself today
i will not go outside
i will not brush my teeth
everything i say is filthy
i will not go outside today
my head still hurts from last night
there is nothing i can do about it now
but sit and wait
inside my cave i broke off my fingers
inside my cave i ripped off
tiny pieces of flesh and ate it
inside my cave i broke off my fingers
inside my cave i ripped off
tiny pieces of flesh
i will not challenge myself today
i will not go outside
i will not fall asleep at a decent hour
i know it
i will not try
and my head still hurts
|
||||
10. |
DOOR
03:30
|
|||
|
have i mentioned my brain pieces together things it shouldn’t have i mentioned i’m the worst have i mentioned my head hurts have i mentioned i can’t write a verse have i mentioned i can’t feel love anymore have i mentioned i am cold to the world have i mentioned how the tedium of my everyday life made me crazy have i mentioned i don’t know how to make sense of the world anymore have i mentioned i lost track of the time and was late every day have i mentioned i don’t know how to dress in the morning have i mentioned there’s not ever enough cups of coffee have i mentioned my body is lethargic and doesn’t know how to process itself have mentioned i just want to feel pretty have i mentioned i hate everything have i mentioned how when i look in the mirror i see the devil he says i hate you listen get your shit together fuck everyone bang your head against the wall hit yourself hit yourself hate yourself you’ll never be anything you’ll be get anywhere look at me you’ll never accomplish what you want to you lost god you lost your home you lost your friends pay attention no body loves you nobody will ever love you nobody will love you like i do
|
||||
11. |
||||
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